Her life

We seem to idolize people because they have a talent or a gift. Without thinking about what kind of people they are, we see the person we think they are or the person we want them to be. People in this world are made special by the things they have and what they do with them. They are presented in a world of high value. People should be judged on what kind of person they are.  

Every movie someone watches, the good guy always wins. Even if the bad guy wins, they regret everything and live in complete agony for eternity. Now, this is the way it should be, bad people suffer and the good are appreciated. This is not the way it is. Yes, sometimes the good guy does come out on top simply because he is good. In other times, the bad guy has it all. Adoring fans, money beyond belief and a crowd behind him to cheer for his every move. What is there to do but to wish to be a talent, a gem in the eyes of the creator of this world?  

There’s a girl at school that lights up the room when she walks in, not even trying. Sure, behind the scenes she is pulling herself apart, creating her own downfall, but no one knows that. All someone sees is jealousy inside their own eyes. That girl goes to your high school, you’ve seen that girl buying groceries, that girl is on your movie screen. You can find this girl anywhere you look, anywhere you want to look. But you cannot find that girl in your own reflection, for that is a girl you know too well. That is the girl you judge and pull apart. That is the girl you have created a downfall for. 

When you see a girl of pure beauty you think she has it all. The truth is, she has a life. This life is not the one you made up in your head for her. Her life is what she has made it. Her life is messy, stressful and nothing close to perfect. But you’re staring so hard, you’re not even looking. You should try to realize her life is no better than yours, but still, you find yourself jealous. People in this world are made special by the things they have and what they do with them. This girl you see has natural beauty and you feel you do not. When you see one of these girls you associate what you wish you had because you wish you were her. A perfect apartment, the cutest clothes, lots of friends and a perfect life. You assume she has a personality no one can seem to crack but does not mind trying, a girl everyone wastes their time only for her to throw them away. No one is good enough. A girl so perfect it makes others sick with pain. This girl only exists in your mind though you cannot help wanting to be her.  

I feel this world feeds off insecurities and I cannot see myself without them. Every time I feel good, and I think it will last, it doesn’t. My beauty is only a temporary state of fantasy I long for to keep me going. Trying to look the part to prove to someone I am worth speaking to, I am worth being their friend, and I am worth being with. I think that I will never stop wishing to be someone else until I am truly happy with who I am, what my life is, and what I have accomplished. I find myself idolizing a girl I have only glanced at once in my life. I get to make up any story for her that I want, any life and she gets to live it. She lives the life I want, and I hate her for something that isn’t.