Virginity: A sacred bond

Virginity is not a casual topic for most of America, but for me and my family it is. When I was in fifth grade, my mom took me on a three-day weekend explaining what sex was (an intimate act of love which involved the vagina, penis and/or other private genitalia), why saving your virginity was important, and her journey as a teenager to becoming a married woman. And my dad did this my brother two years later.  So I believe that virginity is a real condition that applies to all people, and should be saved until certain time.

I believe that virginity is not a social construct, which states that a specific idea is invented by society such as the idea of eating bugs which is considered disgusting in American culture but not in places like Brazil. Virginity, according to Google, is the state of never having sexual intercourse. So that means it’s a state of being such as not doing drugs, being a smoker, or someone who never eats dairy. Although society places importance on a person being a virgin, that does not negate the fact that virginity is a true thing- not having sex.  Although a woman’s hymen used to be the marker of virginity, it is not the case anymore. Now science has proven that there is no legitimate way to determine if a person has had sex before, just as there is no way, according to newscientist.com, to determine if a person used drugs or alcohol after a week. So, at least in America, a woman hymen is no longer a way to determine virginity.

There is a right time and place to have sex, and that is in the marriage bed.  A person can decide to have sex, and still not be prepared mentally, emotional, or developmentally. The time and place do matter, regardless of what society believes. Time, meaning waiting, matters because it builds maturity and wisdom, especially in the case of teenagers, since developmentally their brains have not caught up to their bodies.

In fact, 63 percent of teens that had sex wished they had waited, according to relationshipsunderconstruction.com. Waiting to have sex in a relationship is also important because gives the couple times it builds understanding and trust in the relationship. So then the bond that comes from sex after marriage can have a foundation of love, intimacy, and respect.  Sex should only happen in a marriage because sex should only come after marriage, according to God’s word. When sex happens outside of marriage it often leads to higher divorce rates. People who do have sex outside of marriage often worry about unplanned pregnancies, STD’s and abandonment. If a partner leaves or divorces, which is more likely if sex happens outside of marriage, it results in baggage that you can carry with you for the rest of your life. This baggage could be the fear of abandonment, feelings of rejection or guilt, and the knowledge that you gave your virginity to someone who threw it away. Another interesting fact, people who have sex outside of marriage are four to ten times more likely to use alcohol, smoke marijuana, drop out, get arrested, or have thoughts of suicide.  There is a right way have sex and there is a right amount of time to wait. A person is ready only when they have grown in physical maturity, mental maturity, and marrying the person they have gotten to know and want to have sex with.

Some believe that since most religions focus on a girl’s virginity, then women become property to men and therefore are below them; but that is not true, at least for Christians. In Christianity, both men and women are urged to save their virginity until marriage. Now there may be more outward consequences for women, such as getting pregnant, but both are considered sin. Sin is any time we miss the mark of perfection, whether intentional or accidental. Also in Christianity, women and men are considered equals with different roles to play in the household. First, men and women are equals because both were created by God, both can have a relationship with him, both are sinners, both can be forgiven by Jesus Christ, and both have spiritual gifts according to the bible. One bible commentator noted than Eve was not made out of Adam’s head (making her superior) or his feet (making her inferior) but from his side (making both equal).  Second, despite God making both men and women equal, they have different roles. A women’s role is to support and help her husband. A man’s role is to lead, protect, and provide for the household. These different roles are meant to complement each other, creating something better than before. For example, an electrical cord and outlet are both ok without each other, but both function better when they work together. This means that although it may seem like virginity is sexist; it is not and does not make men and women unequal, they just have different roles.

Many say that virginity is unimportant in today’s culture. That it doesn’t have its place with young adults, the LGBTQ community, or atheists, but that’s not true. In fact, teens are twice as likely to graduate from college is they abstain from sex until marriage. Virginity is one of the most important things a partner (not just a woman) can bring to the relationship. It shows their patience of waiting to share one of the most enjoyable and intimate activities on earth with only one person, their persistence on challenging society’s ideas on purity, and their passion to being faithful in the relationship. But that doesn’t mean that if you have already had sex with someone that you are something less or should be valued less as a person. As a Christian, I believe in saving yourself for marriage because that it what God says. But I also believe in grace, because we all have messed up in many ways. Since Jesus lived a perfect life and then died for us, we are covered by His purity. So, although there are more positive outcomes to saving your virginity, Jesus forgives us all, if we accept Him.